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Hello Everyone,
A recurring theme in my blogs is this: much of the trouble we face is self-inflicted. Whether we’re Believers or not, many of us are knee-deep—no, eyeball-deep—in problems of our own making. We invite chaos into our lives through what we do, what we ignore, and most commonly, how we manage our relationships.One of the most overlooked ways we create turmoil is by failing to set healthy boundaries. When we don't clearly define what is acceptable and what isn’t, we give others silent permission to overstep. This leads to tension, anxiety, resentment, and often emotional or even physical harm.
Many avoid setting boundaries because they confuse peacekeeping with peacemaking. They think staying quiet, tolerating disrespect, or “letting it slide” is the godly or kind thing to do. But that’s not kindness—it’s dysfunction. Real peace doesn’t come from avoiding conflict; it comes from living in truth and mutual respect. Setting boundaries isn’t about being harsh or selfish; it’s about honoring your worth and teaching others to do the same.
This truth is at the core of every healthy boundary: if someone refuses to respect your limits, they're not bringing value to your life—they're taking from it. Love them, forgive them, pray for them—but don’t let them stay in the driver's seat of your peace.
If you don’t teach people to have respect for you, there’s no way you can have a healthy relationship with them.
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Christ The Example
Jesus lived a life that was perfect in the eyes of God. He set the standard—not for imitation in every detail—but as a model of obedience, surrender, and purpose. Too often, Christians fall into the trap of trying to copy Jesus’ exact life, as though our goal is to replicate His earthly ministry step by step. But that was never the objective. Jesus’ ultimate mission was to die as the perfect and final sacrifice for the sins of humanity.
We are not called to be the Savior of the world. We are called to follow him. That means walking the path God has uniquely set before us, fulfilling the purpose for which we were created (Mark 8:34). While we can’t live a sinless life or offer ourselves as atonement, we are called to live lives of surrender, love, and obedience—just as Jesus did in his relationship with the Father.
We are commanded to love God with all our heart, soul, and mind and to love our neighbors as ourselves (Matthew 22:37–40). These two commands frame the Christian life. So, while we aren't here to repeat Jesus' mission, we are here to reflect his character and to live out our own God-given calling with courage, compassion, and conviction.
Following Jesus means setting healthy boundaries. You cannot faithfully follow Christ while allowing yourself to be mistreated, manipulated, or walked on. Too many people mistake passivity for Christ-likeness, thinking that being a “doormat” is somehow holy or noble. It’s not.
When Jesus stood trial, he remained silent—not because he was weak, but because he was fulfilling prophecy. As Matthew 27:12–14 tells us, he gave no defense against His accusers. This silence wasn't surrender to injustice; it was surrender to the will of God. It was the fulfillment of Isaiah 53:7:
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
Isaiah 53:7 (NIV)
In this moment, Jesus was setting an example—not of passivity or weakness, but of obedience to the will of the Father and faithfulness to His divine mission. His silence was not a sign of being a doormat but a demonstration of submission to God's specific direction at that time. Jesus didn't always respond the same way—and neither should we.
Contrast that with other moments in Jesus’ ministry: when He drove out the money changers from the Temple, it was the will of God for Him to display righteous anger (John 2:15). When confronting the religious leaders, it was God’s will for Him to speak boldly and condemn their hypocrisy and spiritual blindness (Matthew 23:13–36). Each response was guided not by human expectation, but by divine instruction.
Jesus wasn’t being passive—He was being purposeful. His silence was not weakness, but strength under divine control. He wasn’t letting people walk all over Him; He was walking a specific, sacrificial path laid out by the Father. He had to be found innocent yet condemned, the perfect Lamb, to take away the sins of the world.
Our call is to follow Jesus, not imitate His unique redemptive role. Part of following Him means honoring the value God has placed on our lives. Setting boundaries isn’t unloving—it’s wise. It protects our peace, preserves our purpose, and teaches others how to treat us with dignity and respect.
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8 Ways to Set God-Honoring Boundaries
As Christians, we need to acquire the skill of setting healthy, holy boundaries with others. Here are some ways to do that:
- Say “No” Without Guilt
Jesus didn’t heal every person or meet every demand—He often withdrew to pray or rest (Luke 5:16). You’re allowed to say “no” when something violates your peace, purpose, or values. - Clarify Your Values and Priorities
Know what God has called you to do and stick to it. Boundaries help you stay focused on your God-given mission instead of getting pulled in every direction by others’ expectations. - Set Limits on Toxic Behavior
Jesus loved everyone but didn't tolerate hypocrisy or abuse (Matthew 23). It's okay—and often necessary—to limit access with people who are consistently harmful, manipulative, or disrespectful. - Communicate Directly and Lovingly
Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Let people know what you’re comfortable with and what crosses the line, without being harsh or cruel. - Give Without Enabling
Generosity doesn’t mean being used. Help others in ways that build them up—not in ways that keep them dependent or irresponsible (2 Thessalonians 3:10). - Guard Your Time and Energy
Your time with God, your rest, and your family matter. Don't sacrifice them to please others or keep the peace. - Hold People Accountable
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending the offense didn’t happen. Healthy boundaries include consequences, even after grace is extended (Luke 17:3). - Stay Anchored in Scripture and Prayer
Boundaries require spiritual strength. Spend time with God regularly so you have the wisdom and courage to stand firm when it’s hard.
When you start setting boundaries, don’t be surprised if you struggle at first—it’s completely normal. Like any new skill, it takes time, practice, and persistence to get it right. You may stumble, backtrack, or second-guess yourself. That’s okay. What matters is that you keep moving forward. Also, be prepared for pushback. People who are used to taking advantage of your lack of boundaries won’t be eager to change. They’ve grown comfortable disrespecting your time, energy, or space—and your newfound strength will likely challenge them. Stay firm. You teach people to give you respect, and the lesson may take time to sink in.
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Final Thoughts
Too many Christians are living under a false theology—one that confuses endurance with enablement and suffering with spirituality.
Christians often misinterpret the suffering of Christ as a blueprint for how we should operate in our daily lives. Yes, Scripture is clear: we may be called to suffer for our faith. Some will face persecution, rejection, or even martyrdom. But for the vast majority of Believers, this level of persecution is unlikely. Yet many still live as if constant suffering is the expected evidence of spiritual maturity.
This mindset leads to a dangerous distortion: a works-based theology rooted in the belief that the more we suffer, the more favor we earn with God. That is simply not true. It’s a lie wrapped in religious language. The cross was Jesus’ assignment—not ours. He suffered to purchase our freedom, not to set us up for lives of perpetual victimhood.
We often twist the teachings of Jesus to support this misguided thinking. Take for example, “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:38–39) or “go the extra mile” (Matthew 5:41). These weren’t calls to weakness or codependence. They were radical instructions to respond to evil with strength, dignity, and love—not to become doormats or martyrs for the sake of people-pleasing.
Following Christ means living in truth, walking in love, and setting boundaries that reflect your God-given worth. It's not about avoiding conflict at all costs—it’s about standing firm in who you are in Christ.
If you've been living under the weight of false suffering, it's time to lay it down. Start setting healthy boundaries. Start saying no to manipulation. Start walking in the freedom Jesus died to give you. You are not earning God's love—you already have it. Now live like it.
God Bless!
Mark
Questions For Further Study
- What does the Bible say about boundaries, and how did Jesus model them in His ministry?
- How can we discern the difference between godly surrender and unhealthy passivity?
- In what areas of my life am I allowing others to cross boundaries that need to be addressed?
- How can I set boundaries in a way that reflects both truth and love (Ephesians 4:15)?
- What false beliefs about suffering or “being Christlike” might be influencing how I manage relationships?
